I want to be blissfully happy with my subsequent pregnancy the way I was with Peanut. I want to think about only the good, focus only on the positive. It was so easy with Peanut. Now, I fear, feeling happy and positive will be more of a chore. It'll be easy to focus on what can go wrong, for I've lived that, I don't know how to feel good about it anymore. I'll have to remind myself to be happy and not focus on what has happened, but try to envision what will happen...or at least what I pray will happen.
I know things will be different once I am pregnant again. I know there are things I will do differently and things I will do the same as I did with Peanut. I will love this baby the same, I will talk to him or her everyday. I will sing to them, read to them, and my husband will kiss them goodbye every morning - all the same as with Peanut. I feel, however, I will leave some things undone.
All these things I'm thinking about and I'm not even pregnant yet. It's comforting, though, to think about the future. It gives me hope, a hope I so desperately need to cling to.